Smudges on the Glass

woman pressed against glass

There’s something about a pane of glass.

Growing up, my mom was one of millions of irritated parents that had perpetually dirty prints all over windows and glass doors (or, even better, glass tables). Some of the smudges I created were the inexcusable yet understandable handprints, but many were the ever-oily nose prints — often with still visible nostrils thanks to the childhood fun of pancaking ones face against glass to show a friend how funny it looks.

Who am I kidding? I sometimes did it by myself just for the fun of imagining what I looked like.

What child doesn’t do that?

Well, at least in my case, I appear to have never outgrown the amusement. Instead, as I matured, the notion matured as well.

Some of the smudges I created were the inexcusable yet reasonable handprints, but many were the ever-oily nose prints, often with still visible nostrils thanks to the childhood fun of pancaking ones face against glass.


Now, I enjoy seeing my wife’s body pressed against glass. Whether it’s a nipple pressed flat a la Cable Guy (“Oh, Billy!”), or a teasing moon flat against a car window, it’s always just the right combination of funny and flirty.

Frankly, I want to take it to the next level. Here’s what I’m thinking…

A camera set up on our back porch, aimed at the solid pane of glass that comprises our back door.

She’s stark naked and pressed face-first against the glass.

I’m behind her, doing my thing, while my hands wander, squeezing their way between warm flesh and cold glass.

Then, when it’s all done, we have an interesting and entertaining (not to mention erotic) video to watch. Which totally beats Netflix.

I expect we’ll need some Windex, though. But not until I see if I can find a nostril smudge or two.

Originally posted 2016-03-07 08:00:22.

Photo credit: Yuliya Libkina / Foter / CC BY
About Phil (251 Articles)
Philip Osgood is a Christian husband, father, and writer who considers himself a passable video game player, fiction reader, camping and hiking enthusiast, welder, computer guy, and fitness aficionado, though real experts in each field might just die of laughter to hear him claim it. He has been called snarky, cynical, intelligent, eccentric, creative, logical, and Steve for some reason. Phil and his beautiful wife Clara live in Texas with their children in a house with a dog but no white picket fence. He does own a titanium spork from ThinkGeek, though, so he must be alright.