Checking Out Grandma

grandmother in Christmas sweater

I’m not proud of it, but I’ve checked out my wife’s grandmothers more times than I can count.

Now, let me clarify. I’m not saying I’ve lusted after my in-laws. I certainly haven’t. But I’ve looked. And I find myself looking pretty readily. And it’s not simply an academic curiosity about what my wife’s butt, legs, and bust will look like in 40 years. There’s not even that much thought in it. It’s just looking to look.

The next few decades are promising. Granny’s got back.

It’s something natural we men tend to do. And it honors no boundaries. It doesn’t require being even remotely attracted to the female. That only influences what we do once we look (do we draw gratification from it, for example), not whether we look in the first place. That’s why Every Man’s Battle teaches the technique of bouncing eyes away, not trying to resist bouncing eyes toward. That’s like trying to stop the tides.

We check out all shapes, all sizes, all ages, all relations. If we’re disciplined, our eyes may not linger, but we still look. No elderly grandmother escapes.

That said, I’ll also admit to lingering on her grannies. I’m not checking out grandma out of lust, but curiosity. It might not be what drove me to look in the first place, but I’ve lingered because of it.

And the next few decades are promising. Granny’s got back.

Photo credit: Rich Furlong / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA
About Phil (251 Articles)
Philip Osgood is a Christian husband, father, and writer who considers himself a passable video game player, fiction reader, camping and hiking enthusiast, welder, computer guy, and fitness aficionado, though real experts in each field might just die of laughter to hear him claim it. He has been called snarky, cynical, intelligent, eccentric, creative, logical, and Steve for some reason. Phil and his beautiful wife Clara live in Texas with their children in a house with a dog but no white picket fence. He does own a titanium spork from ThinkGeek, though, so he must be alright.