Why Not Match the Carpet to the Drapes?

girl with pink hair

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “The carpet doesn’t match the drapes.”

Well, maybe you haven’t. Perhaps you’ve lived your whole life in an Amish community and this is your first taste of the Internet. First, welcome to the wonderful World Wide Web; we have cookies. And porn. But the cookies are hidden and the porn is not — our first mistake. Second, my new Amish friend, the phrase means the hair on someone’s head (the “drapes”) is not the same color as their pubic hair (the “carpet”), an indication that they use color treatments on their head. Like, they’re not a natural blonde or redhead, despite their luscious locks. See, there? You just learned something. Aren’t you glad you decided to try out this Internet thing?

Anyway, I want to know why that is… Why not dye your pubic hair, too?

Sure, it would be incredibly awkward at the salon, but plenty of people use the DIY boxes, and they could just as easily work downstairs, right?

And presumably, the color change would last longer below the waist. The growth model is completely different. It doesn’t perpetually grow out; it’s more of a replacement concept.

I dunno. Maybe people actually do this. I’ve never heard of it.

A Twist

But what if the surprise went the other way?

What if my wife gets some help with a bit of hair bleach and neon green dye. I’m working my kisses lower and lower, and BAM! It’s like my lover is from another planet!

Definitely unexpected. And probably hot.

And it would be totally more surprising than the usual carpet-doesn’t-match-the-drapes scenario, right?

Worst case, it doesn’t work. Shave it off. Done. It’s certainly easier than dealing with a bad color job north of the equator.

Photo credit: – reuben – / Foter / CC BY-NC
About Phil (251 Articles)
Philip Osgood is a Christian husband, father, and writer who considers himself a passable video game player, fiction reader, camping and hiking enthusiast, welder, computer guy, and fitness aficionado, though real experts in each field might just die of laughter to hear him claim it. He has been called snarky, cynical, intelligent, eccentric, creative, logical, and Steve for some reason. Phil and his beautiful wife Clara live in Texas with their children in a house with a dog but no white picket fence. He does own a titanium spork from ThinkGeek, though, so he must be alright.