Basically, that. Yeah… I wish there was a way to explain the feeling to somebody that doesn’t deal with it. The best I’ve come up with is that everything on your inside is being ripped, but very slowly so you can be sure to feel everything and, oh yeah, you also have the flu so everything from the tip of your toes to the tip of your nose aches and you may or may not vomit from the pain.
They aren’t always like that. You never know when a really bad one is going to happen when you have endometriosis. Occasionally I’ll even have one that I can only assume is a “normal” period. Those are still pretty painful with the cramps and body aches and the stereotypical chocolate/carb cravings, but I can deal and they only last 6-7 days now. They used to last 2 weeks, so I almost feel silly complaining now. Almost. Then, I am reminded swiftly by Mother Nature how much she truly despises me as she gives me a kick to the uterus that completely knocks me out of commission.
I remember in high school when a friend mentioned she barely noticed her periods and that they only lasted 3 days. Wait, wha? I was very happy for her, but also intensely jealous. Why did I get the short end of THAT stick? Why did Mother Nature hate me so much? I never did anything to her.
I didn’t even know she was coming when she first introduced herself while I was in the fifth grade. I thought I was bleeding internally (no, really) until I ran to the nurse’s office and she sat me down and gave me the earth shattering news. She even had the nerve to try to make it sound like good news! It is a rite of passage and I was becoming a woman. Blah, blah, blah. Wait, I’m going to do WHAT for HOW LONG and it will happen EVERY SINGLE MONTH!? I have to wear WHAT and/or put WHAT in my WHAT!? Nope, not good news at all.
On top of all that, for somebody who deals with fertility issues, it’s an extra added kick in the feels. Not only are you going to experience intense physical pain, but you are also going to be reminded that you aren’t pregnant… again… and again. I’m so thankful every day for my sweet little boy and I know he came in God’s perfect timing, but I would be lying if I said I felt that way every month She came to visit during the years before his birth. Even now, as we try for our second child, I have to navigate the already heightened PMS-induced emotions with prayer and reminding myself how good God is and how thankful I am.
One of many things I’m thankful for is how sweet and understanding (at least, as much as he can understand) my sweet husband is during this time. His patience and love help me through it and I truly hope that all women could have a man who is as good as mine is during that time. He knows I’m not “just being a sissy” and doesn’t tell me to “just suck it up” because he knows I have a high tolerance for pain and that I’m not being dramatic.
Just a little advice to the men: Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING will awaken our murderous rage quite like men being patronizing during this time. Be loving, help us through it, and thank us for doing the hard work of reproduction for you. But seriously, Mother Nature. What gives?
I’d say the only real reprieve I’ve gotten from Her is that I haven’t ever really dealt with the irritability that other women seem to deal with during that time. No, really! Well, at least if I do, I try to properly channel it. You might get a different answer from those around me if you ask, but why would you ask? Huh? GEEZ! That’s so annoying and nosey! Would you just stop already? Ugh, I need a heating pad, some chocolate, and a nap. I’ll be in the fetal position in the bathroom if you need me… jerk.